I can't believe that my life has changed so much in the past couple months since I've returned from Israel. I met an amazing person there and I fell for him...hard. Through some beautiful coincidence, his sister works here in the mall in Minnesota and hooked me up with a job where I'm earning insane cash...in one month of working, I've earned enough money to return to Israel for another five weeks and be with my lover. The best part about this tale is that he made plans to come to work in Minnesota before we even met, so he might be coming back with me :D

I'm really content with my life right now. Thank G-d, really, because its all thanks to Him. Health, wealth, and happiness. I have it all. THANK THE L-RD!!!!! I am so grateful, y'all have no idea. I am not the type of person to take things for granted. I enjoy each and every blessing that the good L-rd has given me, because no one knows what will happen tomorrow. However, b'ezrat Hashem, in ten days I will be on a plane back to the Holy Land of Israel!!! I've worked my ass off to earn the money for this trip. I can't wait to see my lover's sweet face when he comes to pick me up at the airport!!!

Life is good. And Yom Kippur starts tomorrow night. What an auspicious time to cleanse one's soul and to atone for past wrongdoings. It couldn't have come at a better time. I feel I should purify myself before I step foot in G-d's backyard.

Life. Love. Laughter. Ganja. That's my motto. Live by it!

WORLD

Tomorrow is my last day of being a kid. Wednesday, June 16th 2010 is my eighteenth birthday. On Sunday I graduated high school. It wasn't as grandiose as I expected, probably because I was dead-tired, voraciously starving, and just sick of being around those people.

Saturday night I was out at the club with my friend, I had a fabulous time and saw some old faces and met some new ones, too. I dropped off my friend at 3, got home at 3:30, grabbed something to eat and about to shower and was about to hit the sack when my I noticed the faint sound of my phone vibrating in my purse. I took it out and saw 7 missed calls from Shoshana and Yaakov (not their real names)...and I so totally shocked. Here's why: A few weeks ago, I promised a heavily-pregnant Shoshana that, if she were to go into labor in the middle of the night, that I would come to their house and stay there while their other baby Moshe was sleeping and then upon the Moshe's awakening, take him to some woman's house. Shoshana's due date was June 18th, so that's what I expected. But of course, life does not go according to plans all the time, so I quickly called them back. Shoshana answered and said calmly "Michelle, I'm in labor. The doula is coming to check on me so I will call you in a half hour to tell you whether or not you should come. But in the mean time just get ready for bed...but be prepared" So in that half hour I quickly showered and touched up my make-up (just in case I'd have to go straight to the commencement ceremony) and grabbed a big plastic bag, in which I shoved my make-up case, my purse, a change of clothes, and my cap and gown. I was soooo freaking tired so I just laid down for a bit to rest my eyes. I noticed that about an hour had gone by so I thought they wouldn't need me...but just as I was falling asleep, I hear my cheery ringtone and answer the phone. It was Yaakov. "Yeah, would you be able to come over...now?" So I sprung into action, grabbed my big-ass plastic bag, and drove away at about five in the morning. Halfway to the city I get a text from them, "how far r u". I text back and step on the gas, and I arrive just in time to see Shoshana wave at me through the window of her doula's car. I parked behind their house and saw a sweaty and nervous-looking Yaakov coming my way. With much difficulty, he installed Moshe's carseat in my car and then showed where all the essentials were: Moshe's diaper bag, the coffe-maker, and the guest bedroom. He then left and I was alone. I immediately went straight to bed and set my alarm for 8:30 AM, which I thought would allow me enough time to wake the baby, dress him, make his bottle, put him in my car, drive him 10 miles east to a babysitter's house, go back to downtown, change clothes, gussy up, park my car, and make it to the Target Center...by 10:15 AM.

I woke up a few minutes before my alarm went off, so I had a little time to make Moshe's bottle and some coffee for myself. When I came into his bedroom he was already awake, so I scooped him up out of his crib and spent about 10 minutes trying to put those damn tiny complicated baby shoes on him. I called the babysitter and informed her of my imminent arrival, then I gently placed Moshe in the carseat, gave him his blankie (which he can't be without, Yaakov informed me), and left the premises. The GPS took me the short way but on a road where there are many stoplights, so I was agonizing about the time...by the time I dropped him off, it was already 9:45, and I still had to get gas (I was running on empty) and change clothes (which I did at the gas station). I was really worried that I wouldn't have enough time. I took the longer way back to downtown, but it was on the highway so it was much faster. I parked, put on my cap and gown, and walked a few blocks to the TC. Outside the building I saw my schoolmates all decked out in crimson and gold walking a toward a certain direction, and I followed suit.

Graduation itself was nothing too special. Even with all the pomp and circumstance, it just felt so ordinary. When people are excited for graduation, its not really the ceremony that's so sexy, its what it represents: the end of high school. I was just dying to get out of there because I couldn't stand another minute around my classmates and I was terribly hungry. The aftermath of the ceremony was much more pleasant. I saw my family, they brought me flowers, we took pictures, hugs and kisses all around. We all met up at Olive Garden where I took the opportunity to ask for the kid's menu and the crayons that come along with it....oh yeah, I was totally coloring up in that bitch. And it was awesome. I also felt the need to wear my cap, but not the gown, even after the ceremony. I wore it while I was driving to the restaurant and I got funny looks from other drivers. I also wore it inside the restaurant, and I felt cool. Although now that I think about it, it was kind of lame to wear that thing all day, but hey you only get a few days in your life where you can wear a funny square hat with a stupid tassel and get away with it.

I then met up my boy and we had a wonderful time. We walked around uptown, went to this quaint little bookstore, jumped around on his neighbor's trampoline, frolicked in a playground, got pizza at this awesome cafe on Hennepin Ave, bought a blanket at the ghettoist K-Mart I have ever been to, then just chillaxed on a blanket in a beautiful park, where I was so tired I actually fell asleep on the ground while he went to his house to grab a sweater. When I awoke from my half-slumber, I saw him staring sweetly at my face. It was so cute When it got a little darker, we started messing around. Haha. We totally got eaten my mosquitos though. Damn the state bird of Minnesota....

He was leaving on vacation for a week so we said our goodbyes (with lots of kisses) and I went home. I showered, ate, and went straight to bed for the first time in 48 hours! I slept like a baby and woke up at noon today. Went to work, cashed my paycheck, came home, ate, went to the library and got this awesome Arabic language learner's CD and totally put that shit on in my car on the way home.

Now I'm here. I'm gonna smoke some fine herb, read some books, go to sleep and wake up to the last day of my childhood.

 

 

 

damn I wish I used firefox just now, I had a huge epic post and I lost it....damn you fucking INTERNET EXPLORER RAHHHHHHH FUCK! Oh wait this is google chrome....FUCKING GOOGLE CHROME!!!!!

I step back inside my kitchen from the cool dampness of outside and the first thing I see is our wide-open pantry. It is overflowing with wholesome, beautiful food, an abundance of delicious imported goods and stocked with the basics. Sugar, flour, pasta, beans, legumes, rice...all sorts of wonderful nourishment. And I wonder how I ever became so lucky! Living in the warmth and comfort of my family home, luxuriously furnished but cozy and inviting. Nestled in a quiet suburb of beautiful Minnesota, I live in the wealthiest and most powerful country in the world. It was because of a last-minute decision during my family's immigration process that has determined my fate. We could have just as easily become citizens of Israel, because my family (minus the unborn me) was traveling from Belarus to Italy via an Israeli visa. How would life have been different from me if we were to travel east...

 

I keep coming back for more and more. I can't keep my hands off of him, he's so irresistable to me because he's more than just aesthetics and culture, he means something. I don't quite know what that something is, but I'm crazy about him. No matter how hard I try to dismiss him as just another guy, I'm living in the moment and the moment is so fiery and crazy strong when I'm with him. He's so unattainable which makes him all the more appealing...each moment I spend with him is saturated with this energy, it's so thick and strong....it's electricity between us. And each time we get together, the first hours are spent in polite restraint, trying to perpetuate the facade of being "just friends". It's a ridiculous notion, I know. But as we get closer and closer, our gazes are so intense, looking into his sweet face just makes me melt. One little touch creates a spark and starts a delicate dance towards the point of no return. He'll stroke my hair, caress my face, stare deep into my eyes, give one of his adorable smiles, and I simply melt.

I adore him. Just laying near him makes my heart bleed, and he gives intense mind-blowing pleasure not only to my body but to my mind, where it really counts. Each move is natural, not calculated at all, just sublime pleasure all around because of the burning desire I have for him.

I hate admitting it, but Lord help me, I've become completely intoxicated by his seductive charm. Thoughts of him plague my mind and stir my desires. My heart still aches for the days before when we had a semblance of something real, rather than just a series of lusty interludes.

I guess he's the one that got away.

Live and learn...

It's almost three in the AM and I can't seem to fall asleep. Or rather, I'm too lazy to shut off the computer and switch off the light. I'm feeling some of the nasty side-effects of the Adderall I took 12 hours ago...headache...sleeplessness...dry mouth. However, if it were not for this little blue pill (or orange, depending on the dose), I would not have finished my online Economics class. The final exam is tomorrow (actually, today) in the afternoon, so after I take the exam...I am officially done with school. This wretched class, neglected until the very last moment, will no longer plague my conscience. I can finally enjoy the little bit of the lazy, sleep-until-two-PM summer that is so familiar to me. Staying up late, waking up in a sweaty mess because the ridiculous amount of furniture in my 10 x 10 room blocks the air vent, eating my first meal of the day at 3 PM, watching Maury, dicking around on the computer, smoking weed freely on our lovely balcony, going to Lake Calhoun to sunbathe and check out guys (but hardly ever to walk or do any other physical activity that requires more energy than laying on the grass)...then I will start my nanny job, which requires me to babysit every day, Monday through Friday, from SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING to 1:30 PM. That's right, I will have to wake up at 6:45 every...single...day. Which means partying the night before is out of the question. Only one word can sum up the situation: FUCK! But another word can sum it up, too: MONEY!!!! All complaints aside, I need all the cash I can get if I want to get an apartment in the fall. 

I always knew I was going to do something big after high school, something to celebrate my freedom from the shackles of academia and the constraints of being a juvenile. I started formulating the first incarnation of my post-high school trip when I was 15 years old, still only a sophomore. It was this huge, grandiose itinerary, consisting of some 50-60 cities in Europe, and a modest estimated budget of $5000. As time passed by and I grew older, my expectations became more realistic and more suited for my current financial situation, which does not include $5000 laying around somewhere. Thus, my itinerary became shorter and shorter, until it finally came down to this.

So in a month and a half, I am embarking on a Middle Eastern adventure of modest/obese proportions, depending on who you ask. Hopefully, logistical plans such as flight extensions will be resolved within the next few weeks, if this bureaucratic nonsense will ease up a bit. I will be gone for a little over a month, spending most of my time in beautiful Israel and taking a little side trip to Jordan. Even though I've read countless travel guides, blogs, and articles on the internet about these two countries, I have absolutely no idea what to expect. And, unless you've been there, you have no idea what to expect either, dear reader! So hopefully you'll stick around for the next few weeks to read about my Middle Eastern shenanigans.

So....Israel. Land of my ancestors, land of milk and honey, land of such immense history and natural beauty, land of hot, crunchy falafel, land of clubbing and beach parties, land of...ridiculously good-looking men. I'm kind of excited at the prospect of mingling with hot-blooded Semitic stallions.

I try not to think about it, I try to set my priorities straight, get something productive done. But before I know it, I'm reaching for the little black case in my backpack, the case containing the luscious green fun. 

Spring is here. Not only is it a periodical renewal for nature, but also for humans like myself. Each day I wake up, I feel like life is so fresh and new. I'm going to be 18 in June, but I'm still so young. I'm just a baby. I've just hatched out of my shell, and it will be time to leave the nest. The future is such a beautiful thing, especially when I think about all of the opportunities out there, all of the millions of possibilities that exist, waiting to be seized. I think the Latin expression carpe diem just about sums up life. I believe this is what G-d wants for us. He wants us to be aware at the multitude of blessings we experience at each and every moment...it's a blessing just to be alive. Even so, G-d can never be fully understood. To fully understand, to have absolute knowledge of a certain area, implies familiarity and mastery of the subject matter. But G-d is a matter that cannot be comprehended to the fullest extent, or perhaps, at all. We may speculate, decypher, and ponder all we wish, but all the great religions of yesterday and today cannot give even a satisfactory answer to the eternal question: why? This is up to us as individuals to find out.

What is G-d? To me, G-d is the very essence of our existence. When you think about our surroundings, what does it all boil down to? Matter. Matter is made of atoms, atoms of protons and such, protons of quarks, quarks of some other material. But eventually, there must be some component, infintisemly and impossibley small, which is the core of all that exists. How much can you divide sub-atomic particles before you reach a point where you can no longer separate?

Indivisible and utterly whole, this thing strattles the border of everything and nothing, the link between the physical world and pure non-being.

That being said, G-d is then the driving force behind everything, and by everything I mean everything. Each chemical reaction which causes our cells to metabolize, plants to photosynthesize, lightbulbs to shine, and engines to combust, originates from that divine, indivisible core that sparked the fuse of creation way back when.

Basically what I'm trying to explain is that we, as humans, are simply not quite capable of wrapping our minds around G-d. Discussing G-d inevitabley entails discussing eternity, a concept that is extremely complex and frankly, mind-boggling to think about in detail. It's hard to imagine something that has no beginning and has no end. But this infinite hole of unknown-ness is a gift to us curious humans, who never stop churning out an almost infinite amount of theories and treatises about the very nature of G-d.

 So I lay here now, observing G-d in the form of a crisp night breeze, an inky blue-black sky, and a hazy hurricane of thoughts in my head.

Last night was epic to the infinity power, and here's why.